Thursday, July 19, 2007
Web design - a trigger?
Lately a lot of my business has been Web site design and I've found that for some reason that's a big trigger for me. Why? I haven't a fucking clue, but it's nasty. I'd go so far to say that it might be my worst trigger since I quit.
The only relation I can make to Web site design and smoking is that I use to light up a smoke about every time I tested some new coding I put into the design. The smoke would just sit there in my hand and I'd let it drift up in the air as my eyes wandered the site making sure everything was in it's proper place. So now I chew on a cigar with a wood tip and that seems to help quite a bit.
The only relation I can make to Web site design and smoking is that I use to light up a smoke about every time I tested some new coding I put into the design. The smoke would just sit there in my hand and I'd let it drift up in the air as my eyes wandered the site making sure everything was in it's proper place. So now I chew on a cigar with a wood tip and that seems to help quite a bit.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
It's Not Easy
I could turn this into two different posts, but I'll just leave it under this one and keep it short.
For my first update, I thought I'd mention I went off the Chantix pill entirely around the 2nd week of July. And for the next two days I thought I was going to snap and whimper like a little child who just lost their bee-bop in the dirt. I kid you not, just two days without the pill brought back immediate wants and desires for the good ol'smokey treat. I immediately called the Dr. and had my prescription refilled, but I was going to change my dosage on my own. I had already done so by going from two pills a day, too one and a half and then one a day. So now I went to half a pill today and that seems to be working just fine. So it just goes to show that no matter how much I tout Chantix as a miracle drug, it's not quite that good. It's good, but not that good.
I've also found out that quitting for others isn't simply just taking the drug and *poof* you're done with the smoke. Just recently I've found a few friends who fell back into the cycle and are trying hard to get back to smoke free. I applaud them for going back to it and doing their best to kick it again. I also know of a relative who went from 1.5 packs a day down to about .5 a pack a day, but just can't quite kick those last few. I think he/she is going to get on the Chantix and I hope it works for them. So yea, quitting isn't just take a pill and you're cured and it's not easy.
For my first update, I thought I'd mention I went off the Chantix pill entirely around the 2nd week of July. And for the next two days I thought I was going to snap and whimper like a little child who just lost their bee-bop in the dirt. I kid you not, just two days without the pill brought back immediate wants and desires for the good ol'smokey treat. I immediately called the Dr. and had my prescription refilled, but I was going to change my dosage on my own. I had already done so by going from two pills a day, too one and a half and then one a day. So now I went to half a pill today and that seems to be working just fine. So it just goes to show that no matter how much I tout Chantix as a miracle drug, it's not quite that good. It's good, but not that good.
I've also found out that quitting for others isn't simply just taking the drug and *poof* you're done with the smoke. Just recently I've found a few friends who fell back into the cycle and are trying hard to get back to smoke free. I applaud them for going back to it and doing their best to kick it again. I also know of a relative who went from 1.5 packs a day down to about .5 a pack a day, but just can't quite kick those last few. I think he/she is going to get on the Chantix and I hope it works for them. So yea, quitting isn't just take a pill and you're cured and it's not easy.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Holy Shit Fits!
I had posted just yesterday and it had been some time since I really wrote and here I am today writing again. I'm writing so soon just to get it out, but holy shit fits! I believe I've just found another little "trigger" that makes me want to smoke more - Web design stuff.
I'm in the middle of revamping the graphics and minor layout portions of our fire department Web site and I am hurtin' for a smoke bad. I don't know if the cravings are this bad right now because of my recent cheats or my gray matter just hasn't experienced Web design and ignoring smoking yet, but for Christ's sakes, it can go away ANYTIME now. Either way, I gotta get over this feeling soon because I have two and maybe even three Web design clients to work on. NOT good.
I guess I better shove some cinnamon toothpicks in my mouth real quick. After lunch is going to be a bitch, I just know it and I'm only an hour away. *ugh*
Until next time...
I'm in the middle of revamping the graphics and minor layout portions of our fire department Web site and I am hurtin' for a smoke bad. I don't know if the cravings are this bad right now because of my recent cheats or my gray matter just hasn't experienced Web design and ignoring smoking yet, but for Christ's sakes, it can go away ANYTIME now. Either way, I gotta get over this feeling soon because I have two and maybe even three Web design clients to work on. NOT good.
I guess I better shove some cinnamon toothpicks in my mouth real quick. After lunch is going to be a bitch, I just know it and I'm only an hour away. *ugh*
Until next time...
Monday, May 14, 2007
That Was A Challenge
The challenge I'm talking about came late Friday afternoon and into the early evening hours. The reason being was a large house fire we had and needless to say, this is my first big "event" that's always been associated with smoking.
People think we're crazy, but ask any smoker out there who is a firefighter and they'll tell you the first thing they'll do after coming out is a light a cigarette. And guess what I wanted to do after sweating my ass off inside? You bet ya, smoke a cig. I even stood next to one of my buddies staring at his cigarette while he smoked and I said "Ooooo Bruce, me wants a cigarette!" and he actually convinced me I didn't want one. That is, for about 5min and then I wanted one again. I am happy to report that I didn't have one at all, until I got in the truck. Something about having that soothing cigarette after all of the adrenaline just feels right. But, again it tasted like shit and I through it out the window.
The rest of the weekend was just about as hard because I golfed 18 holes without smoking. Okay, I had a cigar. Nothing big. But then working through Saturday afternoon and most of Sunday was hard. Hell, I woke up Sunday morning craving one before my feet even hit the ground coming out of bed. Visiting with the in-laws was actually quite easy. Considering there were 3 smokers in there, I never really "craved" one. *whew*
Okay, now I'm just rambling.
Excluding the few I've had here and there, I have been smoke free for: 4wks 14hrs 18min
Cigarettes I haven't smoked: 686
Saved: $120.00 (i need to buy myself a gift lol)
People think we're crazy, but ask any smoker out there who is a firefighter and they'll tell you the first thing they'll do after coming out is a light a cigarette. And guess what I wanted to do after sweating my ass off inside? You bet ya, smoke a cig. I even stood next to one of my buddies staring at his cigarette while he smoked and I said "Ooooo Bruce, me wants a cigarette!" and he actually convinced me I didn't want one. That is, for about 5min and then I wanted one again. I am happy to report that I didn't have one at all, until I got in the truck. Something about having that soothing cigarette after all of the adrenaline just feels right. But, again it tasted like shit and I through it out the window.
The rest of the weekend was just about as hard because I golfed 18 holes without smoking. Okay, I had a cigar. Nothing big. But then working through Saturday afternoon and most of Sunday was hard. Hell, I woke up Sunday morning craving one before my feet even hit the ground coming out of bed. Visiting with the in-laws was actually quite easy. Considering there were 3 smokers in there, I never really "craved" one. *whew*
Okay, now I'm just rambling.
Excluding the few I've had here and there, I have been smoke free for: 4wks 14hrs 18min
Cigarettes I haven't smoked: 686
Saved: $120.00 (i need to buy myself a gift lol)
Thursday, April 26, 2007
It's Getting Worse?
Okay, I'm not sure what the deal is, but as time has gone on things seem to be getting worse. It all started Sunday night after eating a few snacks and then eating a few more. I was DYING for a cigarette. I hadn't felt an urge like this all last week and this week isn't a whole heckuva lot better. I would've assumed that as I smoked less, my body would want it less. It doesn't appear that's the case, but I'm not wondering if it's not because of one certain thing.
My landlord is out of town this week and if he catches me smoking while on Chantix, I'll never hear the end of it. The girls in his office are smokers and know that I've quit and they'd blow me a bunch of shit also. And then there are the two Subway employees who just recently quit - one with Chantix. All in all, those people kind of keep me in check and give me no room to go sneak a smoke. Well this week the landlord has been out of town and today (Thursday) the entire office up front is gone. Which means I have the entire building (almost) to go sneak a smoke in when I want. Any of us that started smoking in our teens can relate to those days gone by when mom and/or dad would leave and it was time to smoke. It was such a rush to be doing such a bad thing. It was almost rebel like. And here I am a grown man and I want that rush of cheating and getting away with it. Now how fucking stupid is that?
All in all, I have attempted cheating a few times and quite honestly cheating pisses me off. And it's not the fact that cheating means I'm failing, but I'm disappointed that my cheat doesn't taste good. Seriously - I'll go and light that bad boy up waiting for that first big "Aaaahhhh" hit and holy shit does it taste like crap! That makes me mad because cheating should taste good and "feel" good. After the second hit the cigarette is on the ground because it tastes like I'm licking the bottom of an ashtray. You would THINK that I wouldn't want to cheat again, but it's a drive that no one can experience unless they've been a smoker for a long time.
Have NOT Smoked: 250.83 Cigarettes
I've SAVED: $43.89
I've been smoke free (mostly) for: 1 Week 3 Days 10 Hours
So, until next time...
My landlord is out of town this week and if he catches me smoking while on Chantix, I'll never hear the end of it. The girls in his office are smokers and know that I've quit and they'd blow me a bunch of shit also. And then there are the two Subway employees who just recently quit - one with Chantix. All in all, those people kind of keep me in check and give me no room to go sneak a smoke. Well this week the landlord has been out of town and today (Thursday) the entire office up front is gone. Which means I have the entire building (almost) to go sneak a smoke in when I want. Any of us that started smoking in our teens can relate to those days gone by when mom and/or dad would leave and it was time to smoke. It was such a rush to be doing such a bad thing. It was almost rebel like. And here I am a grown man and I want that rush of cheating and getting away with it. Now how fucking stupid is that?
All in all, I have attempted cheating a few times and quite honestly cheating pisses me off. And it's not the fact that cheating means I'm failing, but I'm disappointed that my cheat doesn't taste good. Seriously - I'll go and light that bad boy up waiting for that first big "Aaaahhhh" hit and holy shit does it taste like crap! That makes me mad because cheating should taste good and "feel" good. After the second hit the cigarette is on the ground because it tastes like I'm licking the bottom of an ashtray. You would THINK that I wouldn't want to cheat again, but it's a drive that no one can experience unless they've been a smoker for a long time.
Have NOT Smoked: 250.83 Cigarettes
I've SAVED: $43.89
I've been smoke free (mostly) for: 1 Week 3 Days 10 Hours
So, until next time...
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Just for fun
I know I've already posted once today, but I didn't want to clutter up that post with this little things I figured out.
In the previous post I mentioned that I am already eating a ton more food? Well, Sarah and I figured up just how many calories I took in yesterday alone. Would you believe I had over 4,500 calories from breakfast until I went to bed? Holy shit that's a bunch of calories! LOL
Today (Tuesday) I got my daily email from Chantix and in the email it talks about quitting not only the habit of absorbing nicotine into your body, but also the basic habit of just smoking itself. And they give an example that is quite interesting. If I've done my math correctly, here's how it would all work out.
EXAMPLE
Let's say you're an average smoker of 1 pack a day which holds 20 cigarettes. You're taking x-amount of puffs per cigarette 20 times a day and now you're not doing it at all. That's a major factor of the habit.
Here is my math/facts:
23 cigarettes a day on average = 8,395 cigarettes a year (23x365)
9 puffs on average per cigarette (for me) = 207 puffs per DAY x 365 days = 75,555 a year.
So I use to do something 207 times a day and now I don't do it at all. Quite honestly, it's almost like trying not to blink as much during a day. I dare ya, try and not to blink more than 5 times in the next hour. Hell, try not to blink in the next 5 minutes. That's what it feels like. Shit, I just blinked. :o )
Until next time...
In the previous post I mentioned that I am already eating a ton more food? Well, Sarah and I figured up just how many calories I took in yesterday alone. Would you believe I had over 4,500 calories from breakfast until I went to bed? Holy shit that's a bunch of calories! LOL
Today (Tuesday) I got my daily email from Chantix and in the email it talks about quitting not only the habit of absorbing nicotine into your body, but also the basic habit of just smoking itself. And they give an example that is quite interesting. If I've done my math correctly, here's how it would all work out.
EXAMPLE
Let's say you're an average smoker of 1 pack a day which holds 20 cigarettes. You're taking x-amount of puffs per cigarette 20 times a day and now you're not doing it at all. That's a major factor of the habit.
Here is my math/facts:
23 cigarettes a day on average = 8,395 cigarettes a year (23x365)
9 puffs on average per cigarette (for me) = 207 puffs per DAY x 365 days = 75,555 a year.
So I use to do something 207 times a day and now I don't do it at all. Quite honestly, it's almost like trying not to blink as much during a day. I dare ya, try and not to blink more than 5 times in the next hour. Hell, try not to blink in the next 5 minutes. That's what it feels like. Shit, I just blinked. :o )
Until next time...
Woo wee, it's hard...
So yesterday, April 16th was my first "official" day to get-quit. It wasn't too long after jumping out of bed that I realized I was in for a real battle. You see, as a smoker and part of my habit with smoking is to do the following in the morning:
1.) Eat breakfast.
2.) Put dishes away.
3.) Light up smoke.
4.) Watch T.V.
Obviously one of those steps has been eliminated and I about shit my pants. I'm thinking to myself, "Oh my God, what do non-smokers do with their hands after they eat!?" I jumped in the shower and headed off to a meeting with a client. I was quite proud of myself because I drove all the way to Fort Wayne without a smoke. Trust me people, that's a triumph in of itself.
But, then it happened - I slipped. After a HUGE breakfast, I jumped in the truck and the next thing I knew I smoked 3/4ths of a cigarette.
After having lunch with the wife, who by the way I might mention is being extremely supportive, I was fine with not smoking. The rest of the day went very smooth until about 4:00 p.m. after meeting with another client. I haven't a clue what the trigger was, but boy oh boy was I hurting for one. So for the next two hours I just fought and fought and fought.
Dinner was ready when I got home and now I can see why people gain weight when they quit smoking. To curb my desire to put a cigarette in my mouth, I instead put more food. So much so that we (the wife and I) estimated I took in about 1,020 calories just at dinner. Holy shit, I just might not be a twig someday!
The remainder of the evening wasn't too bad, but near the end of the night before bed I was craving yet another smoke. I'm happy to report I fought off the urge and woke up this morning and started all over.
This morning wasn't as bad, but wasn't 100% better. The drive to work and the first hour before the med's kicked in was a bit of a fight, but I'm not doing to bad this afternoon.
So, as of this very moment (Tuesday, April 17th) I have:
- NOT smoked 35.30 cigarettes
- SAVED $6.18
- And have been smoke free for 1 day, 11 hours & 19 minutes
Until next time...
1.) Eat breakfast.
2.) Put dishes away.
3.) Light up smoke.
4.) Watch T.V.
Obviously one of those steps has been eliminated and I about shit my pants. I'm thinking to myself, "Oh my God, what do non-smokers do with their hands after they eat!?" I jumped in the shower and headed off to a meeting with a client. I was quite proud of myself because I drove all the way to Fort Wayne without a smoke. Trust me people, that's a triumph in of itself.
But, then it happened - I slipped. After a HUGE breakfast, I jumped in the truck and the next thing I knew I smoked 3/4ths of a cigarette.
After having lunch with the wife, who by the way I might mention is being extremely supportive, I was fine with not smoking. The rest of the day went very smooth until about 4:00 p.m. after meeting with another client. I haven't a clue what the trigger was, but boy oh boy was I hurting for one. So for the next two hours I just fought and fought and fought.
Dinner was ready when I got home and now I can see why people gain weight when they quit smoking. To curb my desire to put a cigarette in my mouth, I instead put more food. So much so that we (the wife and I) estimated I took in about 1,020 calories just at dinner. Holy shit, I just might not be a twig someday!
The remainder of the evening wasn't too bad, but near the end of the night before bed I was craving yet another smoke. I'm happy to report I fought off the urge and woke up this morning and started all over.
This morning wasn't as bad, but wasn't 100% better. The drive to work and the first hour before the med's kicked in was a bit of a fight, but I'm not doing to bad this afternoon.
So, as of this very moment (Tuesday, April 17th) I have:
- NOT smoked 35.30 cigarettes
- SAVED $6.18
- And have been smoke free for 1 day, 11 hours & 19 minutes
Until next time...
Monday, April 09, 2007
Today is the day
Well, here I am, April 9th 2007 and the quit has begun. No, I can't say that I'm 100% quit right now, but I'm on the Chantix and already fighting urges. It's strange, because the more I think about not wanting a cigarette, the more tempting the urge seems. Either way, it doesn't matter because I AM going to quit.
I've also installed this little add-on for my browser that keeps track of my months, weeks, days, hours and money I've saved. All I have to do is scroll over the little icon and it reminds me of where I am. Interesting how technology can actually help us mentally isn't it?
That's it for now. Need to chug some water. Not sure if the Chantix is already giving me the belly ache or I shouldn't have ate those nachos at midnight last night. ;o )
I've also installed this little add-on for my browser that keeps track of my months, weeks, days, hours and money I've saved. All I have to do is scroll over the little icon and it reminds me of where I am. Interesting how technology can actually help us mentally isn't it?
That's it for now. Need to chug some water. Not sure if the Chantix is already giving me the belly ache or I shouldn't have ate those nachos at midnight last night. ;o )
