Thursday, April 26, 2007
It's Getting Worse?
Okay, I'm not sure what the deal is, but as time has gone on things seem to be getting worse. It all started Sunday night after eating a few snacks and then eating a few more. I was DYING for a cigarette. I hadn't felt an urge like this all last week and this week isn't a whole heckuva lot better. I would've assumed that as I smoked less, my body would want it less. It doesn't appear that's the case, but I'm not wondering if it's not because of one certain thing.
My landlord is out of town this week and if he catches me smoking while on Chantix, I'll never hear the end of it. The girls in his office are smokers and know that I've quit and they'd blow me a bunch of shit also. And then there are the two Subway employees who just recently quit - one with Chantix. All in all, those people kind of keep me in check and give me no room to go sneak a smoke. Well this week the landlord has been out of town and today (Thursday) the entire office up front is gone. Which means I have the entire building (almost) to go sneak a smoke in when I want. Any of us that started smoking in our teens can relate to those days gone by when mom and/or dad would leave and it was time to smoke. It was such a rush to be doing such a bad thing. It was almost rebel like. And here I am a grown man and I want that rush of cheating and getting away with it. Now how fucking stupid is that?
All in all, I have attempted cheating a few times and quite honestly cheating pisses me off. And it's not the fact that cheating means I'm failing, but I'm disappointed that my cheat doesn't taste good. Seriously - I'll go and light that bad boy up waiting for that first big "Aaaahhhh" hit and holy shit does it taste like crap! That makes me mad because cheating should taste good and "feel" good. After the second hit the cigarette is on the ground because it tastes like I'm licking the bottom of an ashtray. You would THINK that I wouldn't want to cheat again, but it's a drive that no one can experience unless they've been a smoker for a long time.
Have NOT Smoked: 250.83 Cigarettes
I've SAVED: $43.89
I've been smoke free (mostly) for: 1 Week 3 Days 10 Hours
So, until next time...
My landlord is out of town this week and if he catches me smoking while on Chantix, I'll never hear the end of it. The girls in his office are smokers and know that I've quit and they'd blow me a bunch of shit also. And then there are the two Subway employees who just recently quit - one with Chantix. All in all, those people kind of keep me in check and give me no room to go sneak a smoke. Well this week the landlord has been out of town and today (Thursday) the entire office up front is gone. Which means I have the entire building (almost) to go sneak a smoke in when I want. Any of us that started smoking in our teens can relate to those days gone by when mom and/or dad would leave and it was time to smoke. It was such a rush to be doing such a bad thing. It was almost rebel like. And here I am a grown man and I want that rush of cheating and getting away with it. Now how fucking stupid is that?
All in all, I have attempted cheating a few times and quite honestly cheating pisses me off. And it's not the fact that cheating means I'm failing, but I'm disappointed that my cheat doesn't taste good. Seriously - I'll go and light that bad boy up waiting for that first big "Aaaahhhh" hit and holy shit does it taste like crap! That makes me mad because cheating should taste good and "feel" good. After the second hit the cigarette is on the ground because it tastes like I'm licking the bottom of an ashtray. You would THINK that I wouldn't want to cheat again, but it's a drive that no one can experience unless they've been a smoker for a long time.
Have NOT Smoked: 250.83 Cigarettes
I've SAVED: $43.89
I've been smoke free (mostly) for: 1 Week 3 Days 10 Hours
So, until next time...
# posted by Gon @ 7:04 AM 
